DR. TORPOR'S BLOG

Dr. Torpor in the Octagon

January 1, 2021

Three rounds of MMA against Cerberus!
But Cerberus has four fists and three heads! Dr. Torpor’s manager is filing an objection with the Hades athletic commission.

An Alien Christmas Carol

December 25, 2020

A new Christmas song.
Tucked inside John Hurt,
His blood really red,
The chestburster alien,
Stuck out his sweet head…

Christmas Nativity Scene

December 24, 2020

How about something different for a manger scene?
Let’s have Kane lying on the dining table of the Nostromo with the chestburster popping out and the rest of the crew standing around like the wise men. Dallas, Ripley, Parker, Brett, Lambert, and Ash are celebrating the birth of the Alien!

Everything Means Something Sometimes

December 21, 2020

Everything has a meaning. Except when it doesn’t. And when meaning is present, it is not necessarily significant. This relieves a lot of pressure.

A Horror Story

December 19, 2020

While taking a walk with Noodles (a valued colleague from another dimension) I saw a decorative banner hanging in front of a house. I thought it was a design of two bats flying, done in orange and black. But as I got closer I realized it was actually red and green… a design of a Christmas candle with holly!

Chess and Retired People

December 17, 2020

If you’re retired you should really consider playing chess.

It provides many cognitive benefits for players. A Google search can show you all the good things chess does for the brain. It will make you wonder how you survived all these years without chess. It is similar to wishing you would have reduced your cholesterol long ago. And chess has crucial differences from those other pastimes that appeal to retired folks. In chess you rely on your wits. Whereas bridge subjects you to the luck of the draw and the whims of your partner. You cannot get sunburned playing chess like you can with golf, unless you insist on sitting outside. For that matter, it is virtually impossible to get injured playing chess. Although I did bang my thumb once while enthusiastically castling. It didn’t hurt that bad and I forgot about it almost immediately. Given the coronavirus, chess can be played virtually and in real time on chess.com. It has a nifty chat function so you still get to banter with your opponent. Keep that trash talk cranking. Dr. Torpor recommends you move beyond your checkered past and into a future of sixty-four squares.

Cheez-It Recipe

December 14, 2020

Cheez-It Perfection
– Obtain a Family Size box of Cheez-It
– Remove bag from the box but DO NOT open bag
– Make several pin holes on one side of the closed bag full of Cheez-It
– Using a roller, or whatever device you choose, crush the Cheez-It in the unopened bag with the air holes face-up
– Continue crushing Cheez-It until it becomes a fine powder of crumbs and salt
– Open bag
– Eat with a spoon
– Also good to mix with hash browns

Long Lasting Couples Start to Look Alike

December 10, 2020

Andy Warhol said the longer a couple stays together the more they look alike because they eat the same food.

The Afterlife

December 9, 2020

Taking a variety of forms as I pass through dimensions, I was once a dead bird on a lawn. That was bad enough but then a dog peed on me.

It’s the Dr. Torpor Christmas Special!

December 6, 2020