DR. TORPOR'S BLOG
If you are going to take sides against yourself, make sure you deserve it.
If you are convinced that things are bad you are likely to perceive things as bad as you believe they are. Cognitive fusion is a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is similar to ideas of “self-fulfilling prophecy” and “perception is reality.”
One way to undo cognitive fusion is through an openness to questioning how you view things. Try to step back and watch how you behave and respond in situations. Be open to evidence that may disconfirm what you usually tend to believe is the case. Consider alternate explanations.
One dimension of psychological well-being is autonomy. This means a type of independence and self-determination where you are not manipulated by the social pressures of conformity. This means an ability to think for yourself and do things that are right for you, not all the “shoulds” and “oughts” that we are told to do. For example, someone high in autonomy is able to resist the social pressure to have a new or “nice” car. Instead, they might have an old car that meets their transportation needs in order to make money available for the things that are most important to them. With high autonomy one is their own source of values that guide their actions instead of external forces. Your own personal standards are your compass.
With low autonomy one is motivated by the fear of what others will think. Consequently, one automatically seeks to follow the “rules” that are most prevalent, whether or not they fit oneself. A fear of being judged negatively by others is a strong motivator with low autonomy. This results in thinking and behaving in ways that are dictated by current social pressures. For example, if one watches a lot of television they may come to believe one needs to have a certain type of physical attractiveness to have worth as a person. Not only may they pursue changing their appearance but also feel ashamed or embarrassed by their own natural looks.
Although originating as a side-effect of the coronavirus sheltering-in-place, the recently renewed interest in potted plants is likely to continue.
Mentalizing is a skill with two parts. One part is the ability to see yourself from the outside. This means accurately recognizing how others may see you in an interaction. The other part is the capacity to see others from the inside. This means to have a good sense of why someone is acting the way they do in an interaction. For example, if you are able to accurately figure out that a person may be feeling defensive for whatever reason, then you are in a much better position to help the discussion move in a positive direction with good feelings. Developing a strong mentalizing skill is a life long project. We have to be willing to recognize when we are wrong and learn from our mistakes. Just like a sport, it takes a lot of deliberate work to get good at mentalizing.
Whenever I go to court something weird happens.
While talking with another person, if you can have
You will be creating an environment where both you and the other person can relax, feel valued, and be truly as you are in that moment.
“A dream which is not explained is like a letter which has not been read.” The Talmud
They can be. The more open you are with me the more helpful I can be. Some querents prefer a “cold” reading. Meaning they prefer to provide no information or feedback at all. I don’t mind this. It’s a fun challenge. And I enjoy doing the best I can with whatever unconscious information I am able to pick up. It’s always a pleasure when the querent finds my reading accurate under these circumstances.